Tuesday, April 27, 2010

MckLinky Monday with the Ladies of the RHOK: Newlyweds

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner


Okay, it's Tuesday. . .I'm late again (sorry!).  However, I do want to MckLinky Monday with the ladies of the RHOK and give you all a little story about the funny lessons the Howells learned during their first year of marriage. . .dare I say we are still learning?!?!?!  (By the way, I can't wait for next week's question because I have it on VIDEO!)

Schmoops and Mrs. Howell have known eachother for a LONG time.  I already told y'all about sitting next to eachother in Psychology circa 1990-91 (Schmoops wanted me to mention it was a SENIOR class and because I am a geek I got in as a Junior. . .I'll mention he's an ENGINEER. . .'nuff said!).  But as the story goes, we didn't actually date or get married til much later.  This is not, contrary to popular belief, because I was on a mission to ruin my mother's life by not letting HER have a wedding or HER have (grand)kids til well after all her friends.  No. . .Schmoops and the Mrs. had to kiss some frogs before we found eachother. 

So long about July 31, 2004, we became Mr. and Mrs. Howell.  This was first and foremost a very hard adjustment for me because Mrs. Howell is my mother-in-law.  I would trade her for a root canal on a good day, so being the "other" Mrs. Howell didn't really appeal to me.  Second, I have been "myself" for 30 years at that point and changing my name was a little hard -- as my grandfather liked to say I am one of "those" women, you know, the strong-headed independent type (said with an ounce of disgust).  But Schmoops wasn't up for being Mr. Maiden Name so we erred on the side of tradition.  I'll go ahead and admit that this small sticking point is still kind of "a thing" for us because some of my stuff still has my maiden name on it and I often use my maiden name as my middle name.  Not because I love it or I am that I am especially close to my father. . .but because it is "me."  My friends still call me "KW" and so the maiden name debacle of 2004 lives on.  Since we've had kids and I prefer to be known as their mom, I try to pretty much stick to Mrs. Howell.  But every once in a while I throw a check in the banking stack that has my "old" signature on it just to keep him on his toes.  It's all about independence and that is a lesson we learned in year 1 (. . .and 2. . .and 3. . .and 4. . .and 5).

Last name aside, we lived in an apartment when we were first married and immediately started looking for a house.  This was my first lesson in what I like to call "Schmoops Math".  Now how "Schmoops Math" works is that if Schmoops wants something. . .the math for sure works out and we will have "just enough" money to make it work without putting us in the food stamps line.  If Mrs. Howell wants something, it is a 50-50 shot that "Schmoops Math" will make it so.  If you skipped over the paragraph of this post where I talked about how I am one of "those" women, then I'm sure you can guess how this has worked out over the years.  If you can't guess, I'll tell you. . .IT IS EASIER TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION!  If "Schmoops Math" makes it so the house he wanted (in the dreaded suburbs with a 30 minute commute in heavy traffic) is affordable, but the house Mrs. Howell wanted (in midtown with no commute. . .and, okay, no 3rd garage). . .then we can go with Schmoops' choice. . .but we will also be going with a new Gucci bag, a pair of Manolos and some new furniture!  It's all about compromise and that is a lesson we learned in year 1 (. . .and 2. . .and 3. . .and 4. . .and 5).

We've covered feminism and money. . .and I'm not even going to touch the subject of s-e-x (remember, we whisper/spell lots of words in our house). . .so moving on, let's talk about the next lesson. . .KIDS.  You know, you're cruising right along learning the lessons of marriage. . .pretty much thinking you are kicking butt (despite your feminist wife and your cheapskate hubby) when all the sudden you pee on a stick at 5 in the morning and you throw all whole new kink in the (ball and) chain!  You're going to have a kid!  Luckily, Schmoops and I both wanted kids and we have been blessed with two. . .three if I had my choice, but that's a lesson for another day!  I will say that on most matters surrounding our little prince and princess, we agree.  However, when you disagree about something regarding kids is there a bigger fight?  If so, I've not come across that subject.  Thankfully, there is a LOT of passion around the care and well-being of our kids.

Learning the lesson of how to raise your kids (without killing your spouse) is probably a lesson that is never truly totally learned.  I'm pretty sure that when Bubs is off at Harvard and Busy is off at Yale, Schmoops and I will still be arguing over how many toys Bubs actually needs, the variety of pink bows Busy has to have, and whether or not our own screwed up relationships with our parents has trickled down to somehow soil our family.  And that's really the "lesson" isn't it?  Of all your parental duties and responsibilities. . .you do not want to screw your kids up!  You look to "experts", you look to God, you look to your friends. . .but in the end you look to EACHOTHER and you love eachother and love your kids and cherish your family and you forget about what your last name used to be or how much money the 67-inch TV in the living room cost or how many times Kathleen's Kids shows up on the credit card bill. . .because REALLY your marriage and your family are the most important things in your life and that is one lesson you won't soon forget!  It's all about LOVE and that is a lesson I hope we continue to learn forever!


Wendy said...

I loved this post and feel like I got to know you better!!!!

You have a knack for writing and I enjoyed reading about your life! I may have to check this 'game' out!!!

TuTu's Bliss said...

I'm sorry I missed this one. We just left Hawaii and are still trying to get on Oklahoma time. My girls are in awe of everything in Oklahoma. We flew in and the baby was pointing out the window pointing at ponds and shouting beach! Beach! They will need a whole new vocabulary and I have been away so long I feel like a little kid again myself.

ShaRhonda said...

What a great post! It was great getting to know you. You RHOK! ♥Mrs. Hart♥

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